In the age of technology and instant messaging, one would think communication is almost TOO easy. Our means to communicate is literally at our fingertips, but does that mean we’re still effectively communicating? I suspect were actually subconsciously learning how to disassociate, isolate and neglect ourselves.
Unfortunately for my generation, we do not know how to communicate. We know how to swipe left, we know how to Snapchat and we know how to slide into a DM but the art of communication is suffering. Ways to organically experience a potentially new partner is fading. Instead of meeting people through friends or in real-time, where meeting people online, texting, messaging and not interacting face to face.
Modern Romance in the age of text messaging is often measured by how many texts you get from your man in a single day. Or if you like a guy, how often he’ll text you back or if he’ll text you first. There’s a strong emphasis on texting. I’m guilty of this as well, expecting a text back, or expect a good morning or a good night text. But that’s just it; we forget that texting is literally just texting. A text is just a text so don’t read too much into it. Texting originally known as SMS that stands for short message service. SMS is also often referred to as texting, sending text messages or text messaging. Did you catch that? SHORT MESSAGING! I think this is one thing we often forget when communicating with our fingers and not our mouths. Texts aren’t meant to be 4-page love letters or resignation letters during a breakup. They should be utilized as thoughtful forget-me-nots throughout the day.
To be fair, I can’t speak on the behalf of all women but I can speak for myself and I decided to let men know how I, myself as a woman really feel.
The Text Commandments:
- Text me to let me know I’m on your mind
- Text me if you want to
- Text me to find out if I’ll answer
- Text me to shoot your shot
- If you like me, don’t text me back. Ask me out.
- If you like me, don’t text me back. Call me.
- If you like me, don’t text me back, show up to my door with flowers.
- Here’s the biggest one: IF YOU LIKE ME THEN JUST TELL ME!!!!!!! Shoot your shot son.
I refuse to believe that chivalry is dead or that courting is a lost art form. I have encountered enough men in my life to know that when men like what they see, they go get it. If a man wants you he’ll do whatever he needs to do to get you and act accordingly.
So why as women do we get so caught up in wanting a text back or a text at all? Since when is getting a text validation of a man’s interest?
Sure, if he wants to talk to you he’ll text you, but what if he’s busy? What if he’s at work? What if he’s at an event? What if he’s just a bad texter? I don’t think I’m making excuses, I think I’m actually trying to give us all (myself included a reality check.) Men, don’t flatter yourselves. I’m reckless enough to let you know the deal and speak how I feel. If I like you, you’ll know it and I’m not about playing games. However, I understand that men like to chase and that you have to play hard to get to maintain levels of interests. So if I give you a read receipt then rightfully so, I had to because that’s the way laws of attraction are designed these days of modern romance.
Yes, today, social media and cellphones create open lines of communication that make everyone overly accessible but does that mean you or men have to then are, all the time available? Having around the clock access to someone is almost draining and scary if you think about it. Since when is it socially unacceptable to be alone & logged off, are we allowed to unplug ourselves?
Here’s what I mean:
Honestly, truly, I don’t want a guy I’m interested in or my man to text me ALL DAMN Day. There are levels to this shit. If I’m single (I mean I am now) and you’re lucky enough that I find you interesting…text me, let me know how you feel, but I would very much rather a phone call at the end of the day to know you’re serious about me.
If I’m in a relationship with a man, then I expect him to text me and let me know he thought about me during his lunch break or to simply let me know he can’t wait to see me later but I would prefer to let him sizzle while we can go our separate ways and still be securely attached to one another without the need for constant communication. I don’t want my partner I’m in a relationship with to feel burdened or suffocated by the need to check-in or constantly communicate with me. We’re all human and we all need our space. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So, I’m suggesting that instead of our generation continuing the habitual way of overanalyzing texts, overthinking responses and overindulging in each other, can we learn to communicate for real? How can we expect to live in moments as they happen if we’re all too preoccupied with our cell phones and the instant messaging world?