I started my job last year, April 4, 2016. Just last week, shy of one day marking my year anniversary, I put in my resignation notice. My last day would be Friday, April 14. That day is today.
I don’t have a job offer waiting for me, I don’t have a plan (yet) necessarily, I may have some leads, but here’s what I do have: I have dreams, I have ambitions, and I deserve to be happy. I’m not worried. I’m relieved. Jeremiah 29:11.
I’m on my way to more Caucasian Opportunities sis, wbu?
I want Ambitious Girl World, to not only serve as an honest repository of my own personal self-discovery journey but I hope my stories inspire the ambitious girl inside of you too. One day, I’d like to offer a platform for other ambitious girls for resources and encouragements to live their best lives. I also have a dream career, I have a clear vision of where I see myself. But I’ll get into that later…here’s why I quit:
I knew I wanted to leave this job about 3 weeks in. YUP! I know what you’re thinking, wow! This girl is dramatic and entitled as fuck. BUT that’s not it Sis, there were so MANY RED FLAGS SCREAMING ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!!!! For now, I’m going to spare you the details. What I am going to tell you is, I played myself by staying as long as I have. I should’ve trusted my instincts right off the bat and jumped ship a long time ago. About 3 weeks in, there was a situation where our company was audited and as a new employee, I spent the next two months (my first two months on the job!) committed to cleaning up someone else’s mess and consoling my erratic scattered-brained boss. She didn’t make my job any easier. She was a frantic stress ball of a mess, but she meant well. Unfortunately, this was just the beginning to an inevitable domino effect that would lead me down this exhausting treacherous path.
I know what you’re thinking now; if I was so unhappy, why didn’t I leave? Hear me out; really quick, I had interviews lined up, almost the very next day after catching my boss crying in my office, red in the face after the auditors finally left. Business is business and I don’t owe anybody anything I thought. However, after a phone interview, I told myself, “No. Tieara, you’re an adult. You can’t jump ship this early on. Look at this as a challenge, look at this as a chance to develop and grow in a new way.” So I stayed. Challenge accepted.
MY BREAKING POINT: About 4-5 months in, I found myself in the office working long shifts as a one-(Wo)man marketing team. In short, I had to be 4 different people, fulfill my daily duties, juggle the other manager’s job, my co-worker’s job as well as act on my boss’s behalf whenever she was out of the office. I did not receive a temporary promotion during this time. Eventually, I got a “Thank you for being awesome” gift bag full of treats and trinkets. *rolls eyes* To paint the picture refer to my previous post, Overworked and Underpaid, published in 2016.
I know what you’re thinking again, “Sis! You should’ve used this opportunity as a pivotal point to showcase your awesome abilities to be the ultimate girl boss and get the job done or better yet, move up into a higher position.”
Sure, but the thing is, I did everything in my power to carry out exactly everything I needed to do and more. I was EXCEEDING expectations and STRESSED TF OUT. It resulted in two months of being overworked, unpaid, high blood pressure and my nerves were shot. It shouldn’t be that serious but it’s like my workload was never-ending while I was still struggling to navigate through company procedures as a new employee. There were situations where I worked 10+ shifts with no water, not even a lunch break. During this time, I was passively interviewing here and there, and made it to the final round in an ideal role/company but wasn’t chosen in the end. All the while, I was trying to make my situation better. I would try to go to work happy, just to immediately be annoyed at my boss yelling my name down the hallway. I then became apprehensive to actually leave, in fear that I would land at another job I could potentially hate or worse. Are we supposed to hate our jobs? I can’t live like this…
I HIT A BRICK WALL 6 MONTHS IN: My manager who isn’t the most organized would leave everything until the last minute and frantically worry me practically to death to get a lot of the things turned in on time. I wasn’t ok with the amount of workload placed in addition to the daily microaggressions and casual racism I had to endure as the only black girl in the office at the brink of a Trump Tyranny. I felt invisible, like a working horse who somehow simultaneously was praised as the marketing rockstar of the office for just doing the bare minimum.
Eventually, I voiced my concerns to which fell on deaf ears. This company has a history of high turnover rates, so I suggest you use Glassdoor reviews and my story as your references when applying to future job opportunities. I was only an employee barely at my 6-month mark READY TO HIT THE DIP. It’s not to say the people I worked with, weren’t good people.
They were, the company was just way too traditional, conservative and embraced a dry by the book type of culture. It also made it “ok” to exhaust employees in all aspects by throwing a lot at them, all at once with barely any training while the higher ups didn’t do any of the real work. I wasn’t happy or inspired. Instead of thriving, I felt suffocated, I felt stuck, I felt depressed. It may be worth mentioning that the reason I took this job in the first place is because I wanted to explore marketing. I studied public relations in college and early on promised myself I would try public relations, communications, and marketing all before settling into my career by choosing an exact discipline. I knew I still needed to not only identify my strengths or weaknesses as a young professional, but I needed to discover my dislikes or likes first before committing to a company for longer than a year or two. It was easy to make lateral moves as often times these industries are departments under one big umbrella in-house. However, I’m sorry to say that any enthusiasm or desire to learn I had in the beginning, died out fast. My day-to-day at the office looked more like a glorified paper-pusher, a trained chimpanzee pushing around a bunch of paperwork. I barely did anything marketing related besides, implementing things I already knew how to do, like event planning or maintaining brand assets/collateral. Instead, when I wasn’t pushing around the paper, I was a chimp acting as an accountant of sorts. I was bored out of my mind with this brainless monkey work, I didn’t go to school for this shit.
Soon, my big smile turned downward into a lifeless stale expression as I lost my appetite for work. I began coming to work late or taking my time doing one thing all day. I hope they fire me, I thought. As an Ambitious Girl, eager to learn, I wasn’t feeling inspired, I wasn’t creating, I wasn’t learning. I wasn’t growing or being coached, I had NO desire to grow within this company.
Everyone could tell I wasn’t happy but nobody cared enough to ask why. By the end of 2016, things were really really rough. I turned into a person who was outside of my character. I was always negative, always angry and always exhausted. It caused issues in my relationship. It caused issues with my performance, I was driving myself and everyone around me crazy by self-loathing and constantly complaining about how much I hated my job day in and day out.
I was sick, I was stressed out, I was tired. How did I let myself end up like this? No amount of coins is worth feeling this shitty.
FINALLY, my mind was made up. I can’t do this anymore. I knew I didn’t want to stay with this company and it was time to indeed, abort the mission.
After the holidays I somehow managed to make it out of 2016 with my job still intact even though, I stopped trying and I stopped caring way before then. My personal life was collapsing and only furthering my stress, suffocating me, as my mom was hospitalized and my boyfriend broke up with me at the SAME DAMN TIME. I didn’t give a FUCK about anything anymore…why won’t they fire me…and then, SHIT GOT REAL.
To make a long story really short, I had to move due to unforeseen circumstances. My life became a modern day series of misfortunate events. Again, I’m sparing so many of the details. It was like all of a sudden the universe and God made me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE. I physically had to move out of my living situation with nowhere to go, on top of being broken hearted, worrying about my mom and hating my job. With the new year, I had big plans for 2017 and a plethora of self-care & career goals. Instead, I had to figure out my next move and how I was going to survive. God literally pulled the rug from beneath me.
I’ve been living out of a suitcase and staying at a friend’s house for the last month and a half now. It’s no secret that Silicon Valley is an expensive place to live. I became even more exhausted, not understanding why any of this was happening to me. If I was going to be homeless, I could at least find a better job, but my self-sabotaging ways only deferred any potential opportunities I may have had. I couldn’t start a new job anyways when my life was literally in shambles. My mental health, security, and stability took priority by this point.
So I decided to quit my job. Why continue to fight for survival in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. just to go to a job I hate every day? It’s my life, who said I had to be comfortable being miserable anyways?
But, who really said I had to fit into a box of undeserving mediocrity? who said that?
I couldn’t get comfortable, I don’t want to be comfortable. The coins aren’t worth being miserable sis. The way I see it, I gave this job a fair shot. I wanted to leave a long time ago, but I stayed and tried to have an open mind. To be honest, I feel like I just wasted away, like I only handicapped myself by wasting a year not doing what I really wanted to do with my life. What I will say is this, hating my job forced me to seek passions outside my 9-5. I pitched myself to some online pubs and start contributing, I learned that writing is a true passion of mine and that my ideal working environment is to create and cultivate.
Me leaving the office on my last day.
So, I quit. I decided to choose my livelihood, wellness, and happiness. These were more important than being miserable every day. ON ANOTHER NOTE: Ever since I graduated in 2014 I have been talking about moving to New York. I know it will make or break me, but I owe it to myself to try! When I moved to San Jose, I had a list of goals, which I exceeded. I have developed into a well-round experienced young professional with a competitive edge living here. Now, It’s time for a new chapter. So, what’s next?
Time to move on!
I’m packing up my one suitcase, toiletries and moving back in with my mom. I’m doing this so I can save money, work multiple jobs, pay off debt and stack my coins for a year before I begin my journey to New York. My parents are retired military, so moving home isn’t going to be a luxurious staycation by any means. I’ll be expected to work and contribute to the household, which I’m completely O.K. with doing. I would rather, help my mom out if I can, continue writing, continue growing my blog, continue chasing my dreams, REDISCOVERING MYSELF AND HAPPINESS than wasting away every day stuck inside an office with no windows and harsh fluorescent lights wondering if it will ever happen for me. I have been in constant grind mode since I moved to San Jose in 2012, I even worked or interned here through every summer break, I landed a job before graduating, the world was my oyster. Now, it’s time for a drastic change.
Right now, I’m actively looking for a job even though I’d rather spend my time writing. However, I’m tired of just dreaming of New York. I’ve recently purchased a ticket to go visit. It’ll be my first time in the big apple and I’m flying solo. I already know I’ll fall madly in love with the concrete jungle and not want to leave. I’m tired of only talking about my dreams, instead of living them. I’m tired of blocking my blessings, it’s the universe’s will things happened as they did. I’m on a new mission, a mission of self-exploration and self-discovery. Can I end up being that sun-kissed girl with a huge curly ‘fro, bright-eyed and wide smile walking the Brooklyn streets with her two french bulldogs, Lola & Lou? I can and I will.
In the meantime, I’m spending my time contributing, reading more books and taking Udemy & General Assembly classes. One book I’m reading now is by Reid Hoffman, The Start-up of You: Adapt to the Future, Invest in Yourself, and Transform Your Career I want to leave you with this quote: “We’re all works in progress. Each day presents an opportunity to learn more, do more, be more, grow more in our lives and careers…Get busy livin’, or get busy dying’. If you’re not growing, you’re contracting. If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward.”
One thing this job did was inspire me to seek out my passions and write more, which is why I actively contribute to publications today. Ultimately, I turned a negative into a positive and used my hardships as motivation. Do you guys ever feel like finding the right career and finding the right tinderoni are one in the same? You’re not alone. Hear my thoughts on 6 Things That Make Dating As Exhausting As Finding A Job via Elite Daily.