It’s the first of the month:
The beginning of a new month, May, doesn’t just come with timely bills but it comes with a promise. This month comes with new blessings, new days, and new opportunities to get things right.
ICYMI: I quit my job roughly two weeks ago. Here’s what’s been going on since April 14:
I made peace with my past and my present. My last day at my job was full of goodbyes, I moved back in with my mom and when she asked me how I felt I busted out in tears. It was an emotional release because everything I set out to do, that seemed so impossible in 2010, I accomplished. So now what?
Not sure if you guys know this or not, but this is the second time I moved back home. When I was 18 fresh out of high school I set my eyes and heart’s desire on moving to San Francisco. Young & dumb, at the brink of the 2008 recession, a year and student loans later; I couldn’t afford to live there anymore. Despite the fact that I had a job and exhausted my resources, my mom also lost her job and I had to sacrifice my own desires to move back home, to help her out. We’re a team after all and it just wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t my time.
I spent the remainder of 2009 dedicated to realigning, creating a plan of attack and decided that if I was going to live at home I would go to community college and see if I’d get into a college later. From 2010 to 2017, I chased my academic goals and career dreams. Who knew 7 years would go by so fast? I transferred from a community college with three associate degrees, to San Jose State in 2012, and in two short years graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Public Relations with an academic focus in Radio-TV-Film, all by the age 24 having already secured a job upon graduation. Naturally, I stuck to my guns over the last three years in San Jose, navigating through the corporate structures as I worked at different companies and figuring out what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be. 7 years later, I find myself back at home, in a similar situation, wondering to myself what’s next?
I ask myself: How do I feel? What have I learned? Where do I want to go from here? It was a self-audit. I find myself still learning who I am.
These first two weeks back at home were an emotional rollercoaster except instead of going through motions fast and intense, the days dragged. I was exhausted and I needed rest. I slept a lot. I was emotionally drained but felt guilty for taking such a much-needed break. Since 2010 I didn’t rest, I chased my goals, I was disciplined academically working nonstop, taking winter session classes and summer internships to ensure I would graduate from a State University in 2 years and start my life. I couldn’t waste any more time, I thought.
Now, after having the time to be still, to be alone, to sit with me, it felt foreign. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a moment to just breathe like this.
I am powerful and I am capable, and it’s okay to DECOMPRESS. I noticed that my moods would go up and down; I began questioning if I made the right choice or if something was wrong with me and I felt guilty. I’m not sure exactly why I felt what I did, but what I’ve realized is, what I’m doing today, won’t be what I’m doing in 10 years from now unless I want it to be. Meaning, I am powerful and in charge of my life. Who do I want to be and what do I want to be known for? I ask myself at least twice a day. With that in mind, I’ve learned 3 important guidelines to help me redirect my path:
Finding Hope in Uncertainty
I am a worrywart and a stressor; to the point, I will make myself sick. I’ve been trying to reprogram myself. With this opportunity to be still, I found time to change my thoughts and practice clarity through meditation. I’ve mentioned before that the guided meditations from Oprah & Deepak’s 21-day experience help immensely. The last 21 day’s theme was finding hope in uncertainty. A major theme of my life currently (shout outs to the universe for the alignment.) Through clarity, I’ve learned that I am a beacon of hope, that I find hope in every situation and that I can help others be more hopeful as well by spreading love, light, and positivity.
You see, I can’t freak out because I don’t know what’s next. There’s beauty in not knowing what’s next or not having everything completely figured out all the time. I can reinvent myself by taking this plunge into hopeful uncertainty. This is exactly what my soul needs, the best opportunity to redefine myself, reprogram and realign with my heart’s desires.
Acknowledging My Worth and My Desires
I’ve had some interviews, I have some leads, but I’m not willing to settle for just any check just for some coins. *Kanye shrug* What I know for sure is this; I only want to live with my mom for a year or 1.5 years, not any longer. I plan on working as much as possible and saving and paying down debt to financially be in a better situation, as I set up towards future success. BUT that doesn’t mean I want to just take ANY job. I want to be content and secure with my decision in where I work next. I know that what’s for me, will never miss me. I’m exactly where I need to be and the rest will fall into place. I’m not worried about finding a job or about the money, of course, I need the coins but I’m trusting that I made the right decision and moving forward no matter what happens next, I’m going to own it!
Chasing my Dreams
We all know, I have dreams, and I hope you do too. This world has a way of making us feel crazy or alienated and misunderstood for not wanting to give up on the lives we know we deserve. I had more free time being home and felt guilty because I wasn’t using my free time to write, or blog or even develop a plan. So now that my resting period is over, I’m energized. Last week I submitted two articles to Her Agenda, which I encourage all ambitious women to join as it’s a great network of smart like-minded women who collectively come together to encourage one another and create opportunities. I want to write more. I want to inspire more. I want to blog more. I want to create the life I want. Whatever that looks like, we’ll just have to find out together, won’t we?