The Art of Approaching a Man

Guest Blogger, Kimberly Gedeon of The Melody Of Melanin gives us The Art of Approaching a Man, read more to find out how to secure your BAE!

The very thought of approaching a man sends a spine-tingling chill down many women’s backs.


“What if he rejects me?” 

“It’s so unladylike!”

“What if he isn’t receptive to me taking the lead?”

These are all valid concerns if you ask me. Rejection is a cruel blow to the ego and it’s often uncomfortable to step outside of our pretty-in-pink feminine shell. But what if I told you that you can be “the approacher” and manipulate the situation so that he’s still “the hunter”?

If you visualize the “approach” as some alpha female pushing herself up against a guy and demanding his number …

You’d be very wrong! There’s a sort of … finesse required, a little “seduction” and “craftiness,” if you will.

That’s why I call it, “The Art of Approaching a Man.”

Step One: Identify Your Target’s Social Setting

Before you do ANYTHING, you’ve got to figure out who this man is rollin’ with. Is he with a woman? Is he alone? Is he with a group?

If he is with a woman or a group of women, ABORT, ABORT! Yes, it’s true they may just be friends, but you don’t know for sure – best to be safe than sorry.

If he’s in a group – perhaps dilly dallying around town with his dude friends – it’s not the most ideal setting, but still feasible to get him in the palm of your hands.

And if he’s alone, perfect!

So if you’re man is rollin’ solo or grouped up with the guys, you’re good to go to the next step.

Step Two: Scan Your Surroundings

This is very important. How you approach your target will be contingent on your surroundings – you will be using it to your advantage.

For example, if he’s at a bar with friends, is there an empty stool next to him just begging for you sit on it?

Is he alone at a café, staring through the sneeze guard, wondering which tasty treat he should get with his latté?

Keep an eye out for these environmental cues – they are important because they’ll tell you how to approach your target.

For example, you can cozy up to that stool and pretend you’re getting yourself a drink:


And you can shuffle up next to him and pose as if you’re having a hard time choosing a dessert as well:

Potential Bae Alert

See where I’m going with this? You need to visually scope your surroundings so that you know where to “place yourself” before you approach him.

Step Three: Wait for the Right Timing

You know what time it is!

Now that you’ve already mapped out the environment, as they always say, there’s a time and place for everything.

Choosing the right time is particularly crucial if your target is part of a group. You definitely don’t want to go for the kill when he’s in an intense, passionate conversation with one of his buddies. Trust me. He doesn’t want anyone tapping his shoulders while he’s trying to get his point across.

And if he’s at a bar watching a game – no. Okay? No! All he’s going to be thinking is how much he doesn’t want a pest like you in his life to interrupt his football Sundays.

Other times you do NOT want to approach your target:

  1. He seems as if he’s in a rush
  2. He’s talking on the phone
  3. While he’s doing something weird that he wouldn’t want others to catch him doing (picking his nose, adjusting himself)
  4. He’s making a beeline for the bathroom
  5. He’s on his way out
  6. He’s listening to music with his headphones on
  7. He’s reading a book

The RIGHT time to approach your target:

  1. Conversation dies down (if your target is with a group)
  2. He’s all settled down, enjoying his coffee at the cafe
  3. He’s just sort of hanging out, twiddling his thumbs
  4. He’s fidgeting with his phone, not doing much with it
  5. He’s standing in line for something
  6. He’s waiting for something – a flight at the airport or the bus at the bus stop

Step Four: The Approach

Here’s the fun part! Now that the timing’s right, what are you waiting for? Go for it!

The first thing you want to do is place yourself near him as for how you mapped it out in STEP TWO. But you do not initiate a conversation right away. You do your thing – mind your own business – long enough for your target to assume that you’re only around him for your own purposes. This will disarm his defenses: “Oh okay, false alarm. She’s not here to bug me.”

Keep to yourself: Order a drink for yourself at the bar as you sit next to him on the stool, text someone as you sit beside him on the park bench, pretend you’re having trouble deciding on dessert like he is.

Now on a recent trip to Turks and Caicos, I scored a super sexy island man (OMG so hot!) I followed all the previous steps: I surveyed the area, found out he was alone with his sexy self and saw that he was sitting at the slot machines.

Are You All In?

There’s an empty seat! It’s all or nothing, baby. I sat right next to him.

Take a risk and have a seat sis!

I fumbled around with the slot machines and pretended to have trouble using it all while keeping to myself. And that brings me to the next step – strike up a conversation that taps into men’s “HERO instinct.”

Step Four: Strike Up a Convo That Makes Him Feel Like Superman

Deep down inside, men want to fly around with capes and save the world. So if there’s any way that you can tap into that “hero instinct,” even if it gives him a lightning-fast feeling of being heroic, you’ll stimulate a spark of attraction within him.

So after fumbling around with the slot machine for a minute or two, I said, “Um, do you know how to use this thing? Help!” I lightly kicked the machine in a cute, joking way.

I got a question

And there he goes, going out of his way to help me use the slot machine. I could just see it in his eyes that, deep down inside, he’s puffing his chest up and revealing an “S” on his chest.

You can use the same tactic, for example, if you’re beside him trying to figure out which dessert to eat with your coffee: “Oh man! This is so stressful! I don’t know if I should get the blueberry muffin or the apple pie. What do you think?”

Most men would love to swoop in, save you the trouble, and help you choose your dessert. Or if you’re sitting at the bar, you should ask, “I want to try something different. I’m such a bore and I always get rum and coke. Tell me what’s your usual and I’ll just get that.”

Remember ladies – hero instinct!

Step Five: Allow the Target to Become the Hunter.

At this point, it’s time to hand the reigns over to the man and allow him to take the lead. You approached him, you broke the ice, and now you’re just going with the flow.

If he’s interested in you, you will see that he’ll try his best to upkeep the conversation – even if he isn’t the best conversationalist.

With my island guy, after he “saved me” at the slot machine, our conversation morphed into a deeper discussion – what he’s looking for in a woman, why he’s cheated in the past, and why he’s single. I could tell he was interested because he showed no signs of wanting to end the conversation. He was engrossed.

Once your target is engrossed in the conversation, he has become the hunter. Men love it when women approach them because it allows them to know, “Okay, this girl is interested. There’s no chance of rejection at this point.”

But they also want to feel as if they made a move towards you, let ‘em have that moment!

Step Six: The Big Finish!

By step five, if the conversation is winding down and your target still has not asked you for your number or social media page, it’s time to take charge again – but ever so subtlety.

You should say, “We should keep in touch.” Here you can offer to swap whatever contact information floats your boat – your Instagram, Facebook, phone number, etc.

Success! You got the digits, secure your bae!

And that, my friends, is the art of approaching a man! Now if you want to learn how to keep one, you’re on your own because I’m still trying to figure that one out for myself.


Kimberly Gedeon is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online including platforms like BuzzFeed and MadameNoire. You can DM her on Instagram at Kimmiexsweetie and she’ll happily respond. She doesn’t bite!

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